Hi, my husband is prone to angry outbursts. Just this weekend he and I were reading while listening to some music. He appeared to be falling asleep in his chair, book on his lap, eyes closed. The reading light was a bit bright for me so I turned on another light and switch off that one. He groaned a bit when I did it, but I really didn’t think very much of it. I sat back down and continued ready and then he woke up, starting grumbling and SLAMMED his book on the end table (with a glass top) and grumbled all the way to the bedroom SLAMMED the door, went to sleep and that was it.

Now a bit of history, he has done this before, we were on vacation in Myrtle Beach SC with family (Golf vacation) and were sharing a 2 bdrm condo with his mom. We went shopping (the 3 of us) to a mall. He was driving and I inadvertently told him to turn at the wrong place. It was an on ramp (the roads in MB can be a bit deceiving) so we ended up on the highway – we had a Garmin GPS that was acting a bit flaky – his mom said, "Oh well we will go for a bit of a drive" He started mumbling and getting moody. I apologized and starting feeling like I always do when these moods strike, scared, shaky, off. Finally we got back to our destination and starting looking for the store I wanted to go to.. When I said I wasn’t quite sure where it was (the last time I had been there was a full year ago) He mumbled to me "I’ve had enough of this" – walked off and left me with his mom. Needless to say I started shaking and crying in front of his mom.

I guess I should have always known better. He once put his face a few inches from mine and yelled at me to F*** off. It was some time ago, I don’t remember what triggered it. When I needed to have surgery, he once suggested that I ask my friend to drop me off at the hospital, when I looked at him in disbelief and said "Are you kidding me?" He changed his line, and the next time we discussed it, he claims he never said it, that I misunderstood.

Now PLEASE understand, I am not trying to portray him as an evil person. Just stating the instances and the issues surrounding them when they happened.

In the last month, the Myrtle Beach incident, the book slamming incident and the following occured: AFC/NFC championship weekend – I asked him about a football ruling during the game.. I think I asked two questions. From the tone of his voice (answering the second question) I said "should I just not bother you" Well, he fixed me with a look with his eye and said "I’m trying to watch the game here" while pointing to the TV. Funny thing, his son (28) came over to watch the game and have supper (that I made). He son asked him questions and spoke to him during the game. Not One Problem with that.

I walk on eggshells, I never know what might trigger a response and I am now when I find him doing something to me that, if I did it to him, would promote an angry outburst I make a point of saying "If I did that to you I’d catch hell breaking loose" Usually there isn’t much of a response.

I told him what he is doing is verbal abuse – made him pause for bit (this was a while back) and (in more recent times) he claims he decided that he wanted to change that. No change however, no matter how much he may think so, after all 3 issues in the span of three months doesn’t mean much change to me.

Understand, this is not a daily thing. He is also emotionally unavailable, anything I would like to do ie go see The Tragically Hip, his answer is "I’m not interested in doing that" – His stock answer for things he doesn’t want to do.

This latest weekends episode (book slamming) happened Saturday, I should mention that I broke Saturday night after he stormed off to bed. I shouted, You have no right, what ******* behaviour, who the hell do you think you are etc..

I couldn’t help it (straw and the camel’s back, after all) Sunday – we didn’t speak at all, hell I was barely able to look at him. I don’t know what will happen tonight when I get home. If I don’t make the effort to speak to him, it could develope into another situation where he turns it into being my fault. "Are you going to talk to me or what???" situation. I’m always the heavy, I’m always in the wrong, I’m building resentment for being treated like a crap receiver. I can’t let it go and for the last month have been personally gauging my own feelings (I mean, I sit on the couch and picture him not being there. I alone) I’m trying to figure out what to do. I’ve spoken to doctors (I suggested he get help – 100% he will not). I’ve told him exactly how I feel, explained it calmly in the past, what I will/will not accept.

Everyone outside my world with him thinks he is wonderful, a great guy. Please help me, ask any question, I need to make a decision here and I want to cover all possible lines of though, maybe I’m not seeing something. I do love him very much, but I won’t subject myself to being a victim. I do believe that no one out there is perfect, hell
I do apologize for the length of this. A couple of further details, he is 57, I am 42. I know there is an age span here but it never concerned me because I never wanted children and his were already grown and on their own. We really are only common-law. Both been married before and I never really considered marrying again. Money isn’t an issue (I’ve got a decent job). I’ve suggested more than once that he needs therapy, anger mgmt. He won’t go – doesn’t believe in it.

I’ve tried talking, what I will/won’t accept. I guess my main situation is I look at the pros and cons (the old list thing) – There is good stuff – just not sure the good stuff is worth it. I guess – If you really love someone, when is it enough?

If you’ve got no kids with him… I’d simply serve the man with divorce papers. Life is too short to be walking on eggshells.

It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks about him. It matters what you think.

Everyone has bad days… and it doesn’t sound like his outbursts have been that terrible–but it does sound like he is incredibly disrespectful of you… I myself would not be able to tolerate that.

If he’s got a 28 year old son…I’m assuming he is not a young man–though I’ve got no clue how old you yourself are and whether you were thinking of having a family with this husband of yours… but I would not be able to live with a guy like this… I’d be out the door. He sounds unwilling to change or even recognize and own that his behavior pains you.

You are right–nobody is perfect, but this guy sounds like his behavior is perfectly awful and unacceptable. That’s too big a price to pay, if you ask me.